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Rachel
Got drunk, bought leggings
Rachel
l got up to get something off my coffee table and walked right into the edge with my knee I am beauty I am grace
Rachel
Just trying to Shazam that song I overheard that’s all

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Rachel
It snowed last night and therefore it is completely unreasonable to expect me to do any work today
Rachel
On Sundays we wear grey and contemplate taking a sick day
Rachel
This was _the_ most coveted sleep over game when I was like 8
Dream phone - the hot electronic talking phone (board) game!

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Rachel
I also had a dream I had a rooster shop called "verdant cockerels"
RachelMar 21, 2025
Last night I woke up in the middle of a dream with the words “that’s the post! pebble leather toilet.” in my head so here you go. Pebble leather toilet. Let’s see that do numbers.
Rachel
Last night I woke up in the middle of a dream with the words “that’s the post! pebble leather toilet.” in my head so here you go. Pebble leather toilet. Let’s see that do numbers.
Rachel
Me: that guy didn’t really get Doom running on a pregnancy test, he replaced the CPU and the screen so it was really just the shell Wendy’s Drive Through Employee:
Rachel
Pickles: when you want the experience of food without any of the benefits.
Rachel
Why is everyone on my feed talking about cilantro what did I miss
Rachel
It’s 10 degrees I left the house in a jean jacket what a feeling
Rachel
Hot take, this daylight savings bullshit sucks
Rachel
I’m loving working with this yarn!! #crochet #BernatHandicrafter
A closeup of a waffle stitch twin size blanket I’m making out of a cotton yarn, Bernat Handicrafter in “Lively”, a bright self striping series of purple, green, blue, pink and red.
Rachel
I have been waking up early so I can exercise for my stupid health and well being and I thought today I’d sleep in a little but I woke up at regular time anyway thanks a lot _body_ I guess this is a _habit now_ which is “what I wanted” or whatever [one thousand eye roll emoji]
Rachel
Listen I’m aware that the Floor is the lowest of low brow television but why are the Floor people just allowed to chitchat whenever? Like there are absolutely zero rules about talking in the wings, I think this is the only game show I’ve seen where you can just talk about the weather during gameplay
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Rachel
Tariffs for some, miniature beaver-eagle flags for others.
Rachel
It’s only called beer if it’s from the beer region of France, otherwise it’s just sparkling bread juice.

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Rachel
I was trying to figure out if I could pair multiple devices with my bluetooth speaker and then realized I could just plug it into my laptop with an aux cable and seriously why did we stop putting headphone jacks on devices? it's so easy it feels like a trick.
Rachel
“I put a new screen protector on and it didn’t align right and I can see dust trapped under it”, she posted, gazing out at the rain, continuously and futilely wiping a finger over another trapped mote.
Rachel
A fun way to find a paper cut on your thumb is to slice onions! Follow me for more life hacks
Rachel
Love to see an entire CBC article on a Bluesky meme www.cbc.ca/news/world/t...

cbc.ca

Did 'Trump take egg?' A meme hatches from consumer frustration as U.S. egg prices soar | CBC News

As egg prices are predicted to jump 41 per cent this year, and U.S. President Donald Trump breaks his campaign promise to bring down food costs on Day 1, people online are posting photos of staggering...

Rachel
Braiding my hair before bed like I’m in a Jane Austen novel. Gonna have such pretty hair for my Teams meeting tomorrow. Real Marianne Dashwood vibes.
Rachel
My Wilburys? Traveling.

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Rachel
Six joke drafts later and I have reached the conclusion that the real joke was inside me all along.
Rachel
Ea-nāṣir sold sub-standard copper and we are still suffering

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Rachel
I just ate the last of the mac and cheese with cut up hot dog
RachelFeb 22, 2025
Being an adult means I can have mac and cheese with cut up hot dog at 3pm and then lay on the couch full on regret for the rest of the day.
Rachel
Can’t believe no one told me I could’ve been named Pizzaballa
Rachel
Being an adult means I can have mac and cheese with cut up hot dog at 3pm and then lay on the couch full on regret for the rest of the day.
Rachel
Love how much time Love is Blind devoted to watching Taylor check her phone in this one. When she asked for the wifi password? Truly gripping TV. And does it get better than watching someone else scroll on a screen we can’t see, for no payoff?
Rachel
My Temu package was mis-delivered and I can’t tell where so some neighbour is about to open a package containing two wooden mallards and be very impressed with my taste, no part of this is a joke
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Rachel
Me waking up this morning: I’m only going to eat healthy today! Me at 11:30 am, pouring Tostitos and cheddar into a microwave-safe bowl: Lunch time!
Rachel
Wisely used my day off to watch all six episodes of the new Love is Blind season and does it even matter if love is blind when every single cast member looks exactly the same? Like pick whoever, it literally does not matter which Spencer-Pratt-lookalike contest winner you go for here.
Rachel
Rewatching Schitt’s Creek as my background show has turned into just quietly sobbing at my desk about 3 times this afternoon.

media.tenor.com

a scene from schitts creek shows two men dancing

ALT: a scene from schitts creek shows two men dancing

Rachel
Getting into meal prepping by buying baby kale, pretending every night I’ll make salad, and then just watching it decompose in the fridge.
Rachel
This Valentine’s Day, give her the gift she really wants: Boyfriend-style sweatpants, a sheet pan of nachos, and a text from a friend informing her that her plans are cancelled.
Rachel
Another birthday, another year I did not receive the $8200 USD hot dog sofa (the 3 vegetables cushions are sold separately)
Hot Dog Sofa costing $8200 USD
RachelFeb 5, 2024
Another birthday past, another year I did not receive the $8200 USD hot dog sofa (the 3 vegetables cushions are sold separately) www.seletti.it/us/hot-dog-s...
Rachel
Every time I get an email at work
Screenshot from the TVO version of “Old Enough”. Three year old girl with pigtails saying “I don’t want to help you”.
Rachel
I got added to a starter pack which is really going to disappoint a lot of new people!
Rachel
Me when I wake up at 10am and make Kraft Dinner for breakfast

media.tenor.com

a man wearing a hat and glasses is screaming and says i 'm .

Alt: GIF from a lonely island video. Andy Samberg dressed in a bucket hat with a goatee yelling “I’m an adult”

Rachel
It’s only a matter of time before every non-dishwasher-safe utensil ends up on the top rack of my dishwasher
Rachel
I started watching the TVO version of “Old Enough” and just like the original, the children are so relatable it makes me emotional
3 year old boy running his first errand. He’s singing a little song to himself: “I want more to eat eat eat”
3 year old boy having completed the errand and heading back home; his new little song is “I’m excited to eat my chips…”
Rachel
What’d you call me?
Voicemail transcription error - the original voicemail is a spam voice message left in Mandarin. The (incorrect) transcription reads: “please press one video video why you chunky you jumping to fool, you and trash fool”
Rachel
I just discovered a spider on the dish towel I was using to wipe my hands so now I have to burn down the house, move to a new city, and start a new life under an assumed identity.
Rachel
I’ve noticed a decrease in followers since I changed my profile pic from my face to this little cartoon doodle. My hypothesis is that people have a limited tolerance for posts about cheese and quotes from Seinfeld when they’re not coming from a verifiably human lady. What about Simpsons quotes?
1 replies
Rachel
I bought a bunch of red hair dye on a whim and now I’m just sat here like “do I go through with this”
Rachel
Thinking about Brittany Murphy rolling with the homies in Clueless

media.tenor.com

a woman says rollin ' with the homies in front of a light

ALT: a woman says rollin ' with the homies in front of a light

Rachel
Any time I eat beets I think of this sketch
Portlandia sketch gif. A 911 operator saying “hi was it beets? Yep, thought so”

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Rachel
This joke lost me a follower and I don’t even wear glasses
RachelDec 9, 2024
I’m bringing sexy back* *Switching from my computer glasses to my TV glasses
Rachel
I’m bringing sexy back* *Switching from my computer glasses to my TV glasses
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